Yesterday was my third child’s birthday. We call her Maybe. She turned 1. Most of you don’t know anything about her, because her life is very private. Even Jordan and I feel in the dark quite a bit.
The other night we were having dinner and we love to play games. I said everyone had to go around the table and say what they would do if they could go back in time. I went first. I said I would go back, find out where Benedict Cumberbatch grew up, move in next door to him, and be the love of his life.
Jordan said he would go back in time to meet Maybe as a baby, and then be able to watch her through those first 7 months of her life that we missed out on.
Of course after this I felt like a terrible human being. But, these things do happen, and I have accepted it.
It is not easy being a foster parent. Nothing is ever decided as a foster parent. It is a complicated process in a complicated system. But one thing is for certain.
We love this baby. She is our daughter. She is the third love of our lives. We would move heaven and hell to make her happy. And Shmo and JJ have given their whole hearts to her. She has come into this family and made us complete. And we love her mother too. I feel I have gained another sister when I am with her mom and we truly hope the best that all life has to offer for her.
Yesterday, as we tried to convince Maybe to eat some of her birthday cupcake, we all went around and said the things we love about her.
- Maybe, we love your chubby cheeks and big round belly.
- We love your shy, reluctant giggle.
- We love the way you scream in pure joy whenever someone comes home.
- We love the way you toddle around with your arms in the air.
- We love the way you come looking for us and knock on the doors.
- We love your huge, wide mouthed smile.
- We love your giant blue eyes.
- We love your ridiculously long and unruly hair.
- We love how you think you’re so funny when you put food down your diaper.
- We love how you make a run for the mud whenever the door opens.
- We love how you bounce your booty up and down when music plays.
- We love how you need 5 pony-tails to get all the hair out of your face.
- We love how you pat our backs when we snuggle.
- We love how you always have to be the top of the dog-pile.
- We love that you love stroller walks and bike rides.
- We love your knack for finding all the lost Legos.
- We love the funny scared face you make when the wind blows in your face.
- We love that it is hard to hold onto you in water, because you’re so fat it feels like you’ll bob away.
- We love how you try to hide under your blankets in the morning.
- We love that you are ours.
Maybe, there is no telling what will happen, just as with everything else in life, there are risks. But we hope you always know you are our daughter. You are our family. Maybe you’ll stay with us forever, maybe you’ll leave us early, but no matter what, know that you are always enough. Know that we feel like the luckiest family in the world to have gotten that call on a Thursday, about a baby that needed a home by Monday.
When I came and saw you in that room of cribs, and you looked at me with those huge eyes, I felt so scared. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to give you everything you needed. But you have taught me that love is always enough.
And now that you’re here, I can’t imagine sitting down at this keyboard without you banging on the keys and making me erase half of everything I’ve written.
I won’t lie, your dad and I have sacrificed a lot to have you here with us. But it has all been worth it. No matter what we will never regret our baby girl.
Maybe is perfect. Maybe is more than good enough.